.:: Broken Imagary ::.

brokenimagary @ 2007-01-22T09:59:00

2007-01-23T02:59:46Z

Placebo -- Meds [ Lyrics ]
Puddle of Mud -- Blurry [ Lyrics ]

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-15T22:42:00

2006-12-16T03:42:44Z

It didn’t take long to finish. I’m opening it early because frankly, I’m ready to drop this pseudo life and move on to bigger and better things.

So without further adu, I introduce vitalaeon. Friend it, love it, stalk it. :D

ATTENTION

2006-12-15T05:25:05Z

I'm taking a page from Jen's book and getting a new LJ. New year, new me, new LJ.

This is gonna be the famous testimonial post. Leave something, anything, here about me you wanna say. I don't care. :D

When the journal is done, there'll be a link. WOO!

♥

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-14T13:53:00

2006-12-14T18:53:12Z

These soaps... The melodrama is so much worse than a RP. So much faker than Pamela Anderson's boobs.

But...

I. cannot. turn. away.

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-13T10:29:00

2006-12-14T03:29:09Z

La la la, boredom.

Weee, I'm sick.

Look at all the colors!!

Have I mentioned I'm bored?

And sick?

I'm a Loser

2006-12-11T05:34:40Z

Not so harsh meaning... INTP

hah

Loser- INTP
20% Extraversion, 60% Intuition, 53% Thinking, 40% Judging

Talked to another human being lately? I'm serious. You value knowledge above ALL else. You love new ideas, and become very excited over abstractions and theories. The fact that nobody else cares still hasn't become apparent to you...

Nerd's a great word to describe you, and I seriously couldn't care less about the different definitions of the word and why you're actually more of a geek than a nerd. Don't pretend you weren't thinking that. You want every single miniscule fact and theory to be presented correctly.

Critical? Sarcastic? Cynical? Pessimistic? Just a few words to describe you when you're at your very best...*cough* Sorry, I mean worst. Picking up the dudes or dudettes isn't something you find easy, but don't worry too much about it. You can blame it on your personality type now.

On top of all this, you're shy. Nice one, wench. No wonder you're on OKCupid!
Now, quickly go and delete everything about "theoretical questions" from your profile page. As long as nobody tries to start a conversation with you, just MAYBE you'll now have a chance of picking up a date. But don't get your hopes up.

I am interested though. If a tree fell over in a forest, would it really make a sound?

*****************

If you want to learn more about your personality type in a slightly less negative way, check out this.

*****************

The other personality types are as follows...

Loner - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Pushover - Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Criminal - Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving
Borefest - Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Almost Perfect - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
Freak - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
Crackpot - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
Clown - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Sap - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Commander - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving
Do Gooder - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Scumbag - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
Busybody - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
Prick - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving
Dictator - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 6% on Extraversion

You scored higher than 43% on Intuition

You scored higher than 57% on Thinking

You scored higher than 30% on Judging

Link: The Brutally Honest Personality Test written by UltimateMaster on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-10T11:58:00

2006-12-11T04:59:00Z

heh I'm so bored.

Right now I'm sitting here looking at the screen trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Until you IM'ed me I couldn't remember the last time I wanted somebody's fingers to break so badly.

You must be pretty stupid to IM when you know I have an away message on....

You want to know something pathetic yet funny, You actually taking the time to read my extremely boring message. (thats the pathetic part).the funny part is that I'm sitting in front of the computer screen ...laughing.

Cancel my subscriptions ... I'm tired of your issues.

Find something else to do because obviously I have.

Hello, I am here, but I'm avoiding someone I don't like... IM me, and if I don't respond, it's you!

Hey I'm screening my messages making sure no losers IM me. If I don't answer you, you're it. Congratulations if so; it's hard to get on that list.

Hey right now I'm away, but really I'm sitting right here thinking how stupid you are for still IM'ing me.

Hey, Im really here. It's just that, there is someone thats on that I'm avoiding. So, if you are IM'ing me, and I'm not answering, IT'S YOU!!!

How about a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up? I'm away live with it.

I highly recommend this web site, www.plasticsurgery.com to you. After a couple grand worth of work, who knows? You might even look as good as me.

I'm not ignoring you; I'm selectively bypassing you.

I'm sorry %n. Talking to you seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns.

If a thousand people love you, I am in that thousand. If a hundred people love you, I am in that hundred. If ten people love you I am in that ten. If only one person loves you, you guessed it, that person is me! Ahh... sorry.. as of right now, I am not here. You know what that means!

Right now I'm sitting here looking at the screen trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Why are you bothering me? I have my away message on cause I don't want to listen to you and your stupid nonsense.

Why are you IMing me if my away message is on? You know I'm obviously not here at the moment. I mean really, we all have the right to be stupid but you're abusing the privilege.

heh, funny stuff.

Bored.com, who knew?

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-09T12:07:00

2006-12-10T05:07:11Z

Today is full of nostolgia. Driving home from Tarus', I was overcome by thoughts. I'm always losing myself to memories, what could have been, what should have been. What brought on this onslaught of sadness? Christina's song, Hurt.

What would I say if I could see them again? What would I possibly say to explain why I didn't go? I don't know why I still berate myself for it. Seven years, and I still feel like scum. They lay in their death beds, and I never went to see them. How horrible was I? I loved them so much, and when they needed me, I wasn't there. Every year around this time, I get like this.

Our family isn't what it used to be. They were our glue. They made the holidays. I don't feel the joy. I haven't felt it in a long time. Dad says I'm just a cranky miserable person. Isn't that something great to hear from your own father? I know I have plenty to be happy for, but I just don't feel it. They say the holidays are for families. What the hell?

I alienated myself from both sides. Why? Beats me. I know I don't help matters any, but... Is it fucked up to say that it's easier to not be close with them?

What am I saying? How fucked up am I? Of course it's fucked up. I make no sense what so ever.

If thats the case. Why don't I want to see them? Why do I find it so hard to go and visit? Either side? Why do I get so nervous I feel sick to my stomach, just driving toward their houses? I haven't done anything bad, I haven't become some sort of criminal, drug addict, suicidal freak... So why is it hard for me to go? Why? I don't understand it.

Cancer's are supposed to be so family oriented. Why is the only family I feel close to, is my mom? What is it in my brain that says, Evette, only cling to your mom. Blame everything on your dad. Your mom is your savior? Why do I still harbor such hatred to the man who helped create me? He's an asshole at times. A very hard man to please. Someone who always compares me to him. 23 years, and I should know this. Why do I still feel so threatened by him? Afraid?

I know these are all questions I should be able to answer for myself. I know that I shouldn't even HAVE these questions.

I just want it to be how it was. I don't care if mom and dad are together. I just want the closeness there. I want it to be a happy thing, seeing family. I know it's my fault, and I should take the initative. I KNOW this. I just can't. I don't know how...

I want my life back.

Some new writing to reflect my current mood over in shattrdillusion

Thefted from Jen and Des

2006-12-09T02:32:58Z

You paid attention during 69% of high school!

68-84% Pretty good, you know that there are libraries and newspapers, and you remember what you've read. You were a child that wasn't left behind!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
Create a Quiz

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-07T11:41:00

2006-12-08T04:42:02Z

I have a sick obsession with collar bones. mmmm.

Without the chest hair. Something about nipple play with hair in the mix is a big turn off. In opinion though.

Yum. I so adore Julian. He's so gorgeous. *swoon*

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-07T10:20:00

2006-12-08T03:20:46Z

I haven't listened to this song in so long.

Mars Volta - Widow

He's got fasting black lungs
Made of clove splintered shardes
They're the kind that will talk
Through a weezing of coughs

And I hear him every night
In every pore
And every time he just makes me warm

Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Must I hide?
Cause I'll never
Never sleep alone

Look at how they flock to him
From an isle of open sores
He knows that the taste is such
Such to die for

And I hear him every night
On every street
The scales that do slither
Deliver me from…

Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Then I'll hide
Cause I'll never
Never sleep alone

Oh lord
Said I'm bloodshot for sure
Pale runs the ghost
Swollen on the shore

Everynight
in every pore
The scales that do slither
Deliver me from…

Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Then I'll hide
Cause I'll never
Never sleep alone

Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Let me die
Cause I'll never
Never sleep alone

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-06T20:40:00

2006-12-07T04:40:19Z

You meet someone.
You like someone.
You go out with someone.
You make an ass out of yourself.
You die.

*shakes head*

I'm a moron. Simply put. A moron that not only inadvertently talks a lot of shit, but also manages to embarrass herself in anyway possible.

Someone shoot me? Please? Between the eyes.

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-05T22:38:00

2006-12-06T03:38:55Z

Evette's Existing Situation

Exercises initiative in overcoming obstacles and difficulties. Either holds, or wishes to achieve, a position of authority in which control can be exerted over events.

Evette's Stress Sources

Delights in the tasteful, the gracious, and the sensitive, but maintains her attitude of critical appraisal and refuses to be swept off her feet unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore keeps a strict and watchful control on her emotional relationships as she must know exactly where she stands. Demands complete sincerity as a protection against her own tendency to be too trusting.

Evette's Restrained Characteristics

Circumstances force her to compromise and to forgo some pleasures for the time being. Capable of achieving physical satisfaction through sexual activity.

Evette's Desired Objective

Feels exhausted by conflict and quarreling and desires protection from them. Needs peaceful conditions and a tranquil environment in which to relax and recover.

Evette's Actual Problem

Take the ColorQuiz yourself right now!

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-05T15:56:00

2006-12-05T20:56:10Z

Woo. 2 pounds. Its amazing how excited one can get when you lose a little weight. When I mean a little, that's like... 1% of what I want to lose. But yeah. Fun times in my bathroom.

We start the AEP classes tonight. We'll see how that goes. We're on our own for two hours a night, and then we have a teacher come in for an hour to help us, should we need some help. My main problem is I don't want to practice while at home. I think its because I want to talk to some people ~~Matt~~ instead. My priorities aren't where they should be. All though I will say that I'm doing very well for my lack of practice. So, thats good yes? I should practice an hour a night before I go to bed. I think thats what I'll do. Yeah. Sounds good. Do my crunches, practice my steno, and go to bed. Woo. Sounds like a game plan to me. With these AEP classes, I could get done sooner than anticipated. In that case, I should be able to start working, say fuck you to Twin Bridges, and start making real money.

I think the hardest part of leaving Twin Bridges is not seeing Hanna everyday. :( I'll miss her. What am I talking about? I can go and visit her whenever I want. Dur.

Speaking of Hanna, I've come to this conclusion that she's the only one I'm going all out for, for Christmas. She's the most important person right now in my life. She's my rock. Even if she does go through her spurts of not talking to me because of some stupid ass reason. Psh. Family is for life. She gets over it with some time. ♥ Hanna.

Be able to fit in this or this

Go tanning. I'm entirely too white to be going to Cancun. I'd come back a blistered lobster. That, my friends, would not be cool.

Save close to $2k. Need new clothes and such. Plus some spending money for our excursions.

Have a nice amount of money saved for a place to live. I need to get out of this house.

Get far in my classes so that I won't suffer when I do go on vacation

Sounds like a plan, yes?

I can't believe that my hair is flipping up all ready. I just got it cut again last week or so. Bah. Stupid hair. Sometimes I wish I could pull off the bald look, because I would so ~~not~~ do it. I don't know, the rate I'm going, I'll be bald by the time I'm 30! Whenever I get out of the shower, there's like 10 or 15 strands around the drain. Yes, I know your hair falls out normally. I wanna be dramatic, ok? Psh. XD

Erm... Brain fart. I know I had something else to say, but...

Do you ever feel like you're getting dumber? No, I'm serious. I know I didn't have these many brain lapses a while ago. Maybe I'm just not paying attention to as much as I used to? I have no idea, but sometimes it scares me. I need brain food. More fish. More vitamins. Yep. Sounds good anyway. hah. I'm so hyper, and I didn't even have my coffee yet. My fingers will just be flying tonight! Rawr look out Steno machine.

oh man, someone smack me around a bit... Please!

OOH! If you want an xmas card from lil ole me, Give me your address. I know I did this last year, and you probably gave it to me then, but people move, I forget, I lose them, new people... You know how it goes. This'll be screened for your protection!

Edit
Ever have that favorite pair of Jeans? mmm. I love these jeans to no end. Sad but true, I think its time for new jeans though... *tear*

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-04T23:11:00

2006-12-05T04:11:06Z

oh my god

is it even possible to get razor burn from veet?!? My legs are on fire. I don't mean like "ow it stings" I mean like "OH MY FUCKING GOD AMPUTATE MY DAMN CALVES BECAUSE THEY BURN!!"

it probably doesn't help I just put lotion on, huh? D'oh!

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-03T21:05:00

2006-12-04T02:05:24Z

wtf is up with these love songs coming up on my iTunes?

Edit
Green Tea and honey = yummy goodness

Vigilante

2006-12-04T00:41:49Z

Seems like everyone is doing this, and so will I, because I follow the pack and shit. Yeah. Go me.

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-03T00:26:00

2006-12-03T05:26:12Z

Sometimes it all just makes me wonder. Some people are just not photogenic. I am one of those people.

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-02T23:46:00

2006-12-03T04:46:33Z

The moon is so pretty tonight. I just went for a quick walk around the block. When I say block, I don't mean the mile long block, but the half mile. Its freaking cold outside. You have no idea. My thighs are bright red, its that cold.

Orion's Belt was out in plain view. A plane went through the middle of it because it sort of sliced Orion across the "waist". It was still nice to see it clearly. I don't know why, but thats been my favorite constellation for some time now. What I wouldn't give just to lay out in the yard with someone and just talk, cuddle, and things of the like...

I had a lot more I wanted to say, but I suddenly got all... blah. Now I don't feel like it.

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-02T22:16:00

2006-12-03T03:16:26Z

She Wants Revenge - Tear You Apart

Got a big plan, this mindset maybe its right
At the right place and right time, maybe tonight
And the whisper or handshake sending a sign
Wanna make out and kiss hard, wait never mind

Late night, and passing, mention it flipped her
Best friend, who knows saying maybe it slipped
But the slip turns to terror and a crush to light
When she walked in, he throws up, believe its the fright

Its cute in a way, till you cannot speak
And you leave to have a cigarette, your knees get weak
An escape is just a nod and a casual wave
Obsessed about it, heavy for the next two days

It's only just a crush, it'll go away
It's just like all the others it'll go away
Or maybe this is danger and you just don't know
You pray it all away but it continues to grow

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear

I want to fucking tear you apart

Then he walked up and told her, thinking that he'd passed
And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance
Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there
Told him how she felt and then they locked in a stare

They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do
Cause theres always repercussions when you're dating in school
But their lips met, and reservations started to pass
Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last

Either way he wanted her and this was bad
He wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy
Now a little crush turned into a like
And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
I want to fucking tear you apart

brokenimagary @ 2006-12-02T21:41:00

2006-12-03T02:41:30Z

Meme time! Stolen from awritersfantasy.

Step one: Go to my user info/profile.

Step two: Look through my friends list and find someone you'd like to know more about.

Step three: Comment with their username and I'll comment back telling you all about them.

Step four (optional): Get to know more people and post this in your journal.

brokenimagary @ 2006-11-23T23:45:00

2006-11-24T04:45:05Z

Holidays.

What's the point? No, seriously. What is the point of them? Gather around, fill our stomachs with mass amounts of food? Chat about old memories? Being close to those who helped raise you? Gifts, words of praise, thanks, and such? Do we celebrate because we truly feel thankful, or because it's just a tradition?

I opt to work every holiday possible. Why? I hate the holidays. Everything feels so forced, so automatic. It's not warm and inviting. There isn't this sense of security and love. No, it's just that foreboding sense of dread and anxiousness. The older generation was the glue that held my family together. Now that they are dead, except for Gram, the family has fallen apart. My two cousins have disappeared. One, her daughter was beaten so severely she was near death. Her mother (my cousin) was in jail and is now living in Pennsylvania. My other cousin married someone his mother didn't like. Once pop-pop died, he packed up and as far as I know, moved to New Egypt. I don't even remember their daughters name. Isabelle I think? She's the same age as Abby.

I won't even go into my dads side of the family. This house is just... I feel like an outsider. Maybe I do it to myself. Locking myself in my room, not coming out very often. I don't mingle with the family anymore. I'm tired of my actions being questioned. If I want to spend my money, so what? I work, I pay my bills, I even fucking pay the five extra dollars to do my fucking laundry. I won't get into that, because it's just ridiculous and I don't want a headache.

I'm glad I'm working Christmas. I think Christmas is the worst holiday of them all. For typical Scroogish reasons.

brokenimagary @ 2006-11-16T01:23:00

2006-11-16T06:24:00Z

Halloween Pics

2006-11-11T04:03:22Z

Woo. Halloween fun. A bit late, but meh. Who cares?! heh.

Ooh, so sexy. HAH. Cocked head = hotness. LOL

The Step Sister. I don't know what she was supposed to be...

Thats my boyfriend. A nice roll in the hay he is. Rawr!!
~~Actually he's stuffed with hay. Dads carharts. Fun stuff~~

Fancy some fruit stew? BOIL BOIL TOIL AND TROUBLE!

HE'S DEAD! OMG HE'S DEAD!!
~~hah, he's stuffed too. duah. Dad goes all out for halloween~~

Perhaps the scariest attraction at the house. THE STEP MOM!! That's really her face. HAH
~~I'm so mean~~

Now for really scary stuff.

lmao don't ask me why I took that picture. AT LEAST I'M CLEAN!!

Thats my steno machine. I have a manual one because I'm cheap and haven't paid the rest of the 2k. SO thats what I'm stuck with.

I can't believe that with a 5.1MP cam, it took such a crappy picture. Oh... Wait. Maybe it would have helped if I had it on a good setting. Dummy me.

brokenimagary @ 2006-11-10T21:43:00

2006-11-11T02:43:34Z

Started classes. Well, I went to orientation. So far so good. Its hard to learn at first. My having a fucked up pinky is a little hard too. I can't really reach the two keys too easily. It'll take some getting used to. But considering its only my first time actually using it to make words, I did okay. 10 practice phrases, and I only messed up on two words. So. yeah.

My tuition dropped 8k, and I'm really happy about that. It went from being 22k to 14k. I can really handle that, considering I'm paying out of pocket. Psh. Dad immediately thought it was a scam because he said that classes go up in price if they don't have enough students, not down. He was complaining and yelling because I didn't do any research on the school. It pissed me off because he likes to think that whatever I'm doing is going to be a fuck up, I'm going to quit, or something. However, I don't think Fran would let her boys go to a school that she didn't think was legitimate. Sometimes I think he's so hard on me because he could have been something other than a construction worker if he wanted to. He wanted to be an architect or went to school to be a mechanic. But he didn't and now he's bitter. Its the only reason.

Whenever I need any positive reinforcement, I know I can count on mom. Drunk or not, I know she's proud of me and is happy for me.

I've lost six pounds since I've started. No, its not a diet. It's a life change, as Tarus puts it. I was off yesterday and she came out here. She wasn't feeling well so she left work. She came and saw me! I'm so loved. heh. But yeah. She came out my way, we picked up my check, went to the banks, and walked along the harbor in Island Heights. After we walked there, we went down to Seaside and walked the boardwalk down to the end. All in all, we walked four miles yesterday. My legs and groin feel it today. Boy do they!

We talked a lot. She's my motivation. She told me stuff that I needed to hear, wanted to hear, and things I've known. I guess coming from her is an eye opener? I don't know, but I do know that by Cancun, I wanna be out of the 2s. I HAVE to be outta the 2s. I was toying with the thought of joining Ballys down her way, that way we can go to the gym before I go to class. I don't want to go by myself, and I know I'll go if I have someone to go with. Yes, I know. Insecurities suck.

Sexy Evette is on the way. Rawr!